Figurski at Findhorn on Acid

1.2.06

yoww computer reset time to year 1997

1997 ACKNOWLEDGED. RESETTING.... WARNING: HOLODECK SAFETY MECHANISM STILL DISABLED. PLEASE PROCEED WITH....

shut up

The Fez cafe morphs slightly from the 1970 version. A VISA sign appears on the window. The old men remain basically the same. The young men remain basically the same. The hippies get older and cleaner looking, the Canadians are still wearing maple leaves, and all of them are eating Spam with their Swiss Army knives directly from the can. A CD boom box plays "piglove" by twelve inch toes. The mechanical pig continues chewing up Figurski's leg. He tries to kick it off, but it keeps snorting and chugging and chewing, like a pit-bull pig, getting Figurski's thick black leg hairs caught up in its intricate jaw mechanism and yanking several out by the roots. The Canadians are chanting along with the music:

— Vietnam, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Granada, Iraq, Palestine....

computer re-engage safety on my mark now

— Take that!

Figurski finally kicks the pig off his leg onto the maple-leaf table, again spilling coffees and mint teas. Blonde flannel-clad Bambi and Bambi's flannel boyfriend jump up and knock their Spam onto the floor. Some of the simulated Spam — odorless and nearly weightless but otherwise realistic -- glops onto Figurski's seamless Kinney's loafers.

— Fucking Canadians!

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