[Paris Hotel Ritz, L'Espadon restaurant. Stars and building lights show through partially-closed curtains. Candles and formally-dressed waiters inside. Morcheeba's "Over and Over" plays eerily on invisible speakers (I'm falling over and over and over and over again now/ Calling over and over and over and over again...). Frank "Dodi al-Fayed" Figurski, holding cell phone, seated center-stage with F.M. "Princess Diana" Vieuchanger. John Cleese returns through arch, slacks replacing his kilt, with black-jacketed mechanical pig on lead.]
Cleese: Yes sir.
Figurski [puts down phone]: Who are you now?
Cleese: Your Welsh bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones of course, sir, at your service.
Figurski [eyeing the pig]: No more Prince Charles?
Cleese-Rees-Jones: No sir. A little change in the program. No kilt, no bumpy crooked nose. [Bows to Diana.]
Vieuchanger: Trevor. [Pause.] It's a guard pig, is it? [She reaches for the lead.]
Cleese-Rees-Jones [nods]: Very special one, your Highness. [Hands Vieuchanger the lead.]