Figurski at Findhorn on Acid

Pig Newtons

1 can of SPAM and 1 can of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut the SPAM slab in half, then in 1/4 inch slices. Unroll the crescent rolls and separate into 2 long rectangles. Pat the remaining perforations in the rectangles closed. Lay the SPAM slices end to end down the middle of the dough from one short edge to the other. Bring the sides to lap over the SPAM and seal with your fingers. Turn over the whole thing. Slice this into 1 to 1-1/2 inch sections and place seam side down on a cookie sheet. They look like pink Fig Newtons™. Repeat for the second piece of dough and the remaining SPAM. You may have a few pieces left for spushie (raw spam) yum, yum. Bake 15-20 minutes until golden brown and surprise your friends who have never tasted SPAM. We took this to a fancy cocktail party once and the Pig Newtons were gone before the shrimp! Serve with a good American Pale Ale, Geary's or Sierra Nevada if you are home-brew deprived.

— Bob Gorman's Page O'Spam,, 1999 [a trademark violation warning letter from Hormel Foods' corporate office replaced Bob's famous Pig Newtons recipe in 2000]

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