Figurski at Findhorn on Acid


[Paris Hotel Ritz, L'Espadon restaurant. Stars and building lights show through partially-closed curtains. Candles and formally-dressed waiters inside. Morcheeba's "Over and Over" plays eerily on invisible speakers (I'm falling over and over and over and over again now/ Calling over and over and over and over again...). Frank "Dodi al-Fayed" Figurski, holding cell phone, seated center-stage with Princess Diana. Nguyen returns through arch, slacks replacing his kilt, carrying a small leather bag and a black-jacketed mechanical pig on lead.]

Nguyen: Yes sir.

Figurski [puts down phone]: Who are you now?

Nguyen: Your Welsh bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones of course, at your service.

Figurski [eyeing the pig and leather bag]: No more Prince Charles?

Nguyen: No sir. A little change in the program. No kilt, no big terrible humped nose. [Pause.] If I had to be Caucasian, I always wanted to be Welsh, or maybe Irish. [Bows to Diana.]

Princess Diana: Trevor. [Pause.] It's a guard pig, is it?

Nguyen [nods]: Very special one, your highness.

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