Figurski at Findhorn on Acid


1. In this scene the No-Hands Cup Flipper and Fatima Michelle Vieuchanger sit together at the COMAS '97 Final Banquet in the Grand Ballroom of Many Palms Oceanside Resort.

2. The gray-haired but youthful-faced and trim woman to Nguyen's left might be dressed casually in jeans and vest, tenured and confident, here to participate in the collegial exchange of ideas and only incidentally bolster her promotion to full professor; the antsy man to Vieuchanger's right might be a 30-something grad student building his resume and jobtalk connections by day and shaking loose with the five colleagues sharing his hotel room by night.

3. Figurski couldn't get seated at their table — so close and yet so far!

4. After a full day of drug-enhanced COMAS sessions, Nguyen and Vieuchanger would push the Asparagus Sauté, Penne Pasta with Basil and Sundried Tomatoes, and Sliced Spam Au Gratin aimlessly around their plates, taking small sips of their Premium California Chardonnay but concentrating mainly on their Orange Slices in Fresh Yogurt.

5. While the featured speaker droned on about, say, the crucial role of the humanities in lending a critical perspective to rapid advances in technology and merger-mania globalization, Nguyen and Vieuchanger would go deeper and deeper into the individual cells within their orange slices, Nguyen would whisper to Vieuchanger that there were layers and layers and layers and layers inside the orange, and Vieuchanger might whisper back, after a lengthy pause during which Nguyen may well have lost the thread of their conversation, "Yes, but you still eat it in the end."

6. This would be it, this scene would be all there is, in whatever context of other scenarios you have experienced before this moment, this would be fucking it and that would be all there is to the sixth sentence.

7. Vieuchanger and Nguyen would pass a note back and forth (and to the other table where Figurski might be staring like a madman into the weird glittery cottage cheese ceiling tile space between the Grand Ballroom pseudo-expensive chandeliers), confirming their planned rendezvous in the next millennium.

8. The note would affirm their mutual intentions to fully disassemble Rosellini's 1737 mechanical pig and van Gelderschott's skillful 1884 forgery, divide the parts equally among them, and then meet at Findhorn, Scotland in November, 2000.

9. We are the only real ones, we are the characters, we are all there is.

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