[L'Espadon restaurant at Paris Hotel Ritz, glowing candles. Parted curtains reveal summer night skyline. White-jacketed waiters serve formally-dressed diners. Morcheeba's "Over and Over" plays eerily on invisible speakers (I'm falling over and over and over and over again now/ Calling over and over and over and over again...). Frank "Dodi al-Fayed" Figurski and F.M. "Princess Diana" Vieuchanger take their seats center-stage. Waiter hovers. John Cleese, dressed like Prince Charles in formal kilt, stands near entry.]
Vieuchanger [hangs sequined bag over chair]: I'll have the scrambled eggs with wild mushrooms and asparagus. And the sauteéd sole..
Waiter: Your Highness. Scrambled eggs and Spam and mushrooms and asparagus and Sham and sole and Spam is it?
Cleese-Charles [singing like Vikings in Monty Python skit]: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam; Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam. It's Spam, not Sham! [Muttering.] Wait, this is a different sketch. Who am I supposed to [looks down at kilt] ... aha. Well then. Right. [Does about-face with flip of kilt, clicks heels, exits.]
Vieuchanger: Dodi darling. [Looks up when John Cleese exits.] That was strange, I thought I heard my ex-husband. [Pause.] Oh Dodi! Where was I.
Vieuchanger: Darling. The maître d'hôtel says 30 paparazzi await us outside. Fangs bared.
Figurski: I'm calling security. [Pushes buttons on cell phone.]