[Paris Hotel Ritz, L'Espadon restaurant. Black sky, stars show through partially-open curtains. Candles on a few tables, stage lights down low. Morcheeba's "Over and Over" plays eerily on invisible speakers (I'm falling over and over and over and over again now/ Calling over and over and over and over again...). Princess Diana seated center, pushing food aimlessly around her plate. Nguyen "Trevor Rees-Jones" Van Tho standing adjacent with small leather bag and formally-clad mechanical pig on leash. Pig makes whirring sound. Diana suddenly gets antsy.]
Princess Diana: Can't you make it sit? [Pause.] Spam has all these white ... speckles. [Pause.] So ... chewy. [Pause.] Where did Dodi-bear go?
Nguyen [distracted by sputtering candle at another table]: Dodi-bear? [Pause, turns back.] Sit, pig.
[Figurski enters through arch.]
Figurski: Sweetie-poo. [Takes Diana's hand.] I've been making arrangements.
[Enter Henri Paul, assistant director of hotel security, carrying empty wine glass and weaving noticeably.]
Henri: I hear you need a ride! Greetings Preenchess. [Slaps Nguyen on the back.] Hey Trevor old boy. Hallo peeg. Good peeggy.
[Lights down. Spot on Figurski's face.]
Figurski: Computer, car scene.
[Dim lights, twinkling stars, Parisian skyline. Henri Paul speeds through streets in black Mercedes, Nguyen holds pig and bag in front passenger seat, Figurski cuddles with Princess Di in the back.]
Henri: Paparazzi, paparazzi, paparazzi, eet's so fun to shay.
Princess Diana [lifting head from Figurski's shoulder, pressing face against tinted window]: Falling star! Another one! Another one!
Nguyen: They're right on our ass, Henri.
Figurski: Those are trails you're seeing, my dear.
Henri: Can't cash me, I'm zee Zheengerbread Man!
Nguyen: Watch out for that ...