Figurski at Findhorn on Acid


— Computer, start Nguyen Holo-Program "Zanger Pacific Rim."

Nguyen is both repulsed and fascinated by what he imagines to be his mentor's fantasy obsession with Asian women. In this program, Eugene Zanger tours the Pacific Rim with a simulated busload of horny young Thai women. In Nguyen's program, the simulated stimulated Zanger has never been to Asia, but he has seen travel pictures and TV documentaries. As usual, Zanger seduces the girls, sometimes in twos or threes, after entertaining them briefly with his cup-flipping skills: the minimalist plot of a porn movie or wet dream.

— Computer, engage Random Plot Generator.

Temporarily sated, Zanger and his entourage mount the Great Wall of China and discover that this entire section is really constructed of millions of cans of Spam. The tour guide says this part of the Great Wall is the only Spam-made construction visible from outer space. Nguyen tells Zanger that those Thai girls are teenagers compelled from their homes by greedy pimps and economic globalization, not their desire for a Ross Perot lookalike on virtual vacation. This information does not jibe with the Zanger programming, which begins to crash. The cans are cleverly stacked but not rigidly attached, so when a large-magnitude earthquake strikes, they all come tumbling down. Fortunately, on the way down, the heavy metal cans turn into simulated foam rubber, so no one gets hurt, including all the characters constructed of holo-matter. But the sudden falling sensation, the roller-coaster drop through blinding bursts of blue and yellow holo-foam, leaves Nguyen breathless.

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